.

I'm doing okay. Not really a "healthy okay", I know, because I'm only okay if I don't talk about it. I've been kind of avoiding everyone. I'll get there and be okay, but I'm still just frozen. Part of me wants to get out and surround myself with family because I need people that knew her and knew how much I loved her. And then the other part of me just sits here, unable to move, or face everyone. I keep reminding myself I'm not the only one who has gone through this, but I can't get my head to function rationally yet. I think it's also a little bit difficult for me with there being no services or memorial. So it's kind of like, "well, what happens now/next?" I feel like something else should be happening. It can't just be that simple. One day she's here, and then she's not, and the whole world just keeps on moving. I already feel left behind.