Forty-Nine

Rowan selected "The Fast and the Furious" on Netflix all by himself to watch. I forgot how bad that movie is, in more ways than one. I told him he had to turn it off because it wasn't a good movie for little kids. So what does he pick next? "Rush Hour 2" because he recognized "JACKIE CHAN??!!" on the picture for it. Hahahaha. He loves Jackie Chan. I'm serious.

Forty-Eight

Rowan: "Daddy, can you help me with my itch?" Thane: "Where's your itch?" Rowan: "My butt!"

Forty-Seven

Rowan seems upset that Daddy doesn't want a hockey mask for Christmas. "You don't want a hockey mask?!!" Hahaha.

Forty-Six

Rowan's hair, for some reason, decided to REALLY fluff up when it dried after his bath this evening. When I told him we'd have to do something with it before school tomorrow, he said, "No, Mom! It looks like Bakugan's!!"

It really does.

http://images2.fanpop.com/images/photos/4300000/BAKUGAN-bakugan-battle-brawlers-4381670-800-600.jpg

Forty-Five

Rowan: "Dad, you gonna put my food in the green bowl? The green bowl Dad? The greeeeen boooowwwwlllll?" Thane: "Yes." Rowan: "Aw thanks, Dad, you're a GENIUS!!!"

Forty-Four

Rowan: "Mom?" Me: "Yeah, Hunny?" Rowan: "You're the best girl in the world."

.

I'm doing okay. Not really a "healthy okay", I know, because I'm only okay if I don't talk about it. I've been kind of avoiding everyone. I'll get there and be okay, but I'm still just frozen. Part of me wants to get out and surround myself with family because I need people that knew her and knew how much I loved her. And then the other part of me just sits here, unable to move, or face everyone. I keep reminding myself I'm not the only one who has gone through this, but I can't get my head to function rationally yet. I think it's also a little bit difficult for me with there being no services or memorial. So it's kind of like, "well, what happens now/next?" I feel like something else should be happening. It can't just be that simple. One day she's here, and then she's not, and the whole world just keeps on moving. I already feel left behind.